Wow, how times fly.... well if you couldn't guess by now, Sean and I are officially back together. About two days before valentines day we got back together and it's been an up and down experience... I mean, I wasn't going into the relationship thinking it was going to be perfect, and trust me it hasn't been. I have been switching birth controls, so my hormones are going crazy, but I am finally back on what I used to be which I believe is allowing me to be better all around....
After what we've been through, I am so surprised that Ive come this far, I cant believe how strong I am... and how good I am doing, most recently though, I made some real good progress this week... Sean has mentioned that I am very critical about things, and that I need to stop bringing up the marriage thing up... he's mentioned it many times, but it wasn't until I saw a conversation that he had with his mom that made me open my eyes are realize how I am truly ruining my relationship little by little, and how I really need to settle down with everything.
So this weekend, I threw all the shit out the window, and did just what my heart told me to as well as tried not to over analyze everything. Seemed like everything went better than expected, no arguments, no fights, no stress, tension... just love.
I don't know why I put so much pressure on myself/Sean about the whole marriage thing.... I do what to get married, I also would like to move back in with Sean... but at this point in time, I know he and myself owe it to ourselves to just be happy with what we have and slowly work back to what we had... I know it'll never be fairy tales and rainbows and unicorns, but it will be close..... it will be our kind of love... and until I open my eyes, stop stressing about trying to be perfect, I need to just let it happen.... or else I may push him away and we all know thats not what I want. I just hope that moving back in together happens sooner rather than later.... being there with him feels right, but until then, I won't mention it again... gotta let a man be a man, right?
Off to work out... I need to get a good workout in after eating like I did this weekend :)
I love our love, Sean
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