Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Sure be cool if you did, Blake Shelton

Anxiety and PmS  lethal combo if you ask me. Things are going really good. Sometimes I let my hormones get the best of me. Things  are going well, Sean and I are doing great and things are going smoothly. I feel like he has been looking at me in a different light lately. I don't really know what's going on, I can't try to figure it out but I can always have wishful thinking ha-ha. Hopefully what I've been wanting will come soon...I think it will, I feel it. 

I am so lucky and blessed to have so much good in my life, I am really lucky. If can't wait for the future, but in the meantime I really am enjoying my time with Sean. He is so special to me. I love him.....

Monday, September 9, 2013

Stupid anxiety

My anxiety has gotten the best of me today. I hate it. I wish I knew how to stop it. Today I feel alone. I miss my love, and not having my baby to talk to doesn't really put me at ease. I went to pilates thinking that I could calm myself and get my mind off of things. I couldn't. I am hoping that a little tv and some relaxing will help me feel better. I just want to hear from my hunny maybe it's because I'm getting a new boss tomorrow, who knows, all I know is that I really wish this awful feeling would go away. 

I am so blessed, as I always tel myself. My life is fantastic. And I really am lucky to have everything that I do. That's what I need to keep in mind.  

Ask believe ad you shall receive 

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

My apology

I've been wanting to tell you these words since Monday. I wanted to make sure to write it down so I wouldn't forget any of it. 
I'm so sorry for all the pressure I've put on you, I never meant to make you feel scrutinized or to make you feel that you had no say in our relationship. I know we've had a rough couple of weeks, mostly due to my own stupidity, but I hope you can take this apology and believe me when I say that this is all done. I'm so sorry for everything, the name calling, blaming, and most of all not trusting you. 

The truth is that I have never loved someone, nor have I ever been loved so much by a person. I got so obsessed with the fact that I found the right guy for me, that I forgot what you and I were all about... Which is Love. 

I'm so sorry for putting pressure on you about things that truly in the end, aren't the most important thing in the world, the important things are that you and I are both happy in this relationship, and I am sorry for not making you happy.  Getting back to us is number one on my list, and I hope you can agree. After all, who needs a stupid ring to prove anything? I have your love, which to me, is everything. 

Yes, I still one day, want to get married, and i know one day we will get there, but as for now I am just going to be happy with what we are and what we are going to become.  

I hope you can take this as me asking for forgiveness to you and hoping to move forward. 

I love you very much Sean. 

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Love somebody, maroon 5

Well there was another argument this weekend about the moving in. After speaking with a close friend about my argument with Sean, he was able to make me realize a lot.... Like seam has been married before and hasn't been successful in that aspect, which makes sense why he wants things to be almost perfect. And I can appreciate that. The fighting over this is stupid and pointless. I do need to trust him, he never did anything to hurt me so I truly have no reason why not to trust him. I did bring up some points to him of what I need in our relationship, and he has made efforts to show, and I'm sure the better I continue with that, the better he wil and so on..  

Anyways... Something clicked this weekend, it makes sense why Sean is the way he is sometimes... And I get it. And though I may be ready, he isn't. And that's okay, and right now I understand it. I need to appreciate my relationship with Sean for what it is. Sometimes I should remind myself of the hardships I've been through and how long I have been waiting for a guy like him. He truly is so amazing and we really are good together, it's just this stupid thing that got in between us. We will get better.  I love him so much. And I know he loves me.

Here's to getting better and moving forward. Ask believe and you shall receive. 

Sean, you are amazing 

Monday, June 10, 2013

So exhausted, I can't even figure a song out

Happy Happy Monday, Wow how weekends go by so fast.

I had an okay Monday at work, the weekend was great. I did check Sean's phone and get in a argument with him about it. He said the reason why we are aren't already moved in together is because I need to work on the trust part in him. And I agree, I do need to work on that.... and I agree that I shouldn't be in there while I am still having issues. Trusting again is so hard. All I want to do is trust him. But I get so scared about things happening, but I need to continue to let go. I've been doing a good job! I've been letting go, not checking up on him... and he just texted me.. it is nice to go back to somewhat of my old ways, at the end of the day.... keeps him curious of what I am doing.

Nevertheless, I need to make sure to continue to let go and trust him..if I don't it will never work out. I can do it..

I trust him; Ask believe and you shall receive! I will continue to work on this... It shouldn't be too hard either because I do trust him :)

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Train-Get to me

I will never stop thinking that being a Cop's girlfriend is difficult, because it is. It's constant changes, rarely seeing your boyfriend, having normal schedules, back to being passing ships in the night, or as it is now for me, having a weekend boyfriend.

Ever since Sean and I had our difficulties, its been really hard for me to have that confidence in myself that I used to have in our relationship. It's not that I don't want it, it's just that its hard for me. I recognize it, and want it to change, and am trying, but its just so hard. I have never loved anyone so much as I do Sean, I just feel so fragile in our relationship, and miss being that strong girl. I don't know why sometimes I don't give myself enough credit.... I am constantly apologizing for every little mistake that I make around him, even if it's silly...

Gosh this blog is so all over the place, I just wish that sometimes I was stronger... I just wish him and I were in a place where I knew where everything was going... I know we discussed our relationship and what I wanted our of it in the beginning of the year, but sometimes I just don't know if thats where we are still headed... I feel like it is, but sometimes, like I said, I get so insecure about it... guess I just have to learn to be more patient and keep thinking positive...

Thank God tomorrow is Friday..... I need a weekend with my boyfriend.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Our kind of love--Lady Antebellum

Wow, how times fly.... well if you couldn't guess by now, Sean and I are officially back together. About two days before valentines day we got back together and it's been an up and down experience... I mean, I wasn't going into the relationship thinking it was going to be perfect, and trust me it hasn't been. I have been switching birth controls, so my hormones are going crazy, but I am finally back on what I used to be which I believe is allowing me to be better all around....

After what we've been through, I am so surprised that Ive come this far, I cant believe how strong I am... and how good I am doing, most recently though, I made some real good progress this week... Sean has mentioned that I am very critical about things, and that I need to stop bringing up the marriage thing up... he's mentioned it many times, but it wasn't until I saw a conversation that he had with his mom that made me open my eyes are realize how I am truly ruining my relationship little by little, and how I really need to settle down with everything.

So this weekend, I threw all the shit out the window, and did just what my heart told me to as well as tried not to over analyze everything. Seemed like everything went better than expected, no arguments, no fights, no stress, tension... just love.

I don't know why I put so much pressure on myself/Sean about the whole marriage thing.... I do what to get married, I also would like to move back in with Sean... but at this point in time, I know he and myself owe it to ourselves to just be happy with what we have and slowly work back to what we had... I know it'll never be fairy tales and rainbows and unicorns, but it will be close..... it will be our kind of love... and until I open my eyes, stop stressing about trying to be perfect, I need to just let it happen.... or else I may push him away and we all know thats not what I want. I just hope that moving back in together happens sooner rather than later.... being there with him feels right, but until then, I won't mention it again... gotta let a man be a man, right?

Off to work out... I need to get a good workout in after eating like I did this weekend :)

I love our love, Sean

Monday, January 28, 2013

Bruno Mars-When I was your man

Hmm... So, had lunch and shopped with Amanda today, it's Monday... my last Monday off for awhile... Sean is up at his parents because he is homesick.... I must admit, I was kind of upset last night when we were talking and he said he wanted to go home.... It's just... all these days that I do 'see' him... he's half awake, we don't have real conversations and finally when he has a weekend, esp since I am going to be working on his weekends after this week, I was hoping he would want to spend the entire weekend with me.. its hard... it's hard to be in our situation and continue to try as hard as I do... I mean I get it, I see my parents every day....and I cant be a bitch and get upset if he wants to see his... I get it... I just guess his priorities are different, he did mention last night that we would spend tomorrow together and whatnot.... but then he texted me today mentioning that he was going to take care of his car stuff tomorrow, so I don't know what to expect? I guess just go with the flow... I just gave in... whatever... whatever is meant to be will be.... I'm not giving up.. but at the same time, I cant continue to get my hopes up.... the difference between Sean and I, is that I know that I want to be with him, and he doesn't know he wants to be with me, no matter how much I deny that, that is the truth, he doesn't want to put a timeframe on anything, he doesn't want to feel like he HAS to see my parents.... all this stuff, I just wish one thing would be done for me.....I don't know,maybe  he does know and just hasn't decided yet... its just so hard...Here I am so available for him, and he's the one making the calls.. I wish we were just together already, because what we are doing is hard. As much as he says he's putting in all this effort... and I do see effort in some areas, but others I feel like it's just all me.... like I said earlier, I am not giving up, I guess I just need to stop being so needy to him, slow my role down a bit and let him miss me.... I guess if its meant to be it will be.... I just want someone who wants to be with me, not someone who doesn't know what they want... let's face is.. I am 25, going to be 26... I dont have forever to be waiting on a guy.... I know I told myself a certain timeframe that I would like.... I just miss being so happy with him, and having sweet things done for me.... I guess we will see... not losing hope or faith, just coming to realization with things I guess....I am proud of myself for keeping my distance so far today when it comes to texting and communication, and like I said earlier, I am not giving up... just letting go a little more, I do what to be with him.... I just want him to be with me too, and though I know he does.... as they say, actions speak louder than words, I may write later

Ask, Believe and you shall receive.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Open Arms-Mariah Carey

If it's one thing I hate, it's being patient... I think everyone who has read this blog knows that by now... I wish that I was able to just be okay with everything, and how the process is...I mean I am, but I wish it would go by faster.... then again, do I want it to go by faster? I want a successful marriage and relationship... that being said, how much time apart should Sean and I have in order to 'fix' things... right now I feel like everything is perfect... like its going so well.... so why on earth do I care so much about a stupid title of being a girlfriend? Why? I know he's not looking, and I know his heart belongs to me... it's just so frustrating... especially since I see the way he looks at me, with so much love in his eyes, like he could just melt, so why do I care about a stupid title? It's just silly to me. I went to go see Sean today before he went to work, and it's just so great, snuggling with him, sleeping with him before work, watching him get ready.... and then when he leaves, I leave too..... I don't want to leave anymore. I tried not to mention my emotions regarding this at his house, and immediately as I came home I pulled out my laptop to write to you... so I guess you can say I am getting better. I just wish I could see me life in 3 months.... I want this whole recovery to be done with.... I know they say relationships are hard work, but dang... sometimes I just want to scream and cry and slap Sean all at the same time....I love him so much, and have so much hope in our relationship, and that is the only reason why I continue to work things out, just like that is the only reason he is continuing to work it out too... I need to keep that in mind.... I just miss him, and miss us, and want to get back to us and being together, at our home.... its hard...but I know it's worth it.

Moving on, I am super duper excited to start working... at least it will keep me busy and keep my mind off of this whole stupid stuff going on... I got my orientation letter which is exciting, so yeah, I am happy and excited to start making that money. 

Ahhh, I just needed to write and talk to someone..... 

I love you Sean

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Crazy Girl-Eli Young Band

So it's been a couple days that i've wrote, sorry... just been busy with family guests here and whatnot...

So... I started writing that thinking that Sean was going to be in the bathroom longer, but he wasn't so here I am two days later, writing... Thank God because I need a good write....

Why do I always get so antsy when I don't know what he's doing? I know he isn't doing anything wrong, I just feel like I wish I was part of it... I know thats impossible, so why do I even care so much?

So as you know I have been spending a lot of time with Sean, and it's been going great... really good, better than ever.... I have dropped the teasing, and really been putting a lot of effort into our relationship. He loves me, I know he does.... but it's days like today that I truly can't figure out what is going on inside of my head.... like honestly, it's his last day off... I just want to spend time with him, then again, I spend some time with him almost everyday, so in all reality I just need to give him space... which isn't hard to ask for... that's what he initially wanted from the get-go anyways and I need to respect that... my question to myself is, why do I miss him so much when we aren't together? Is it because I am not his girlfriend? that shouldn't be the reason.... because he loves me, he isn't looking for anyone else.... I know that I am what he wants....

Sometimes I think I live in this magical place where everything should be out of a movie... like every kiss that I have with him should be a romantic and passionate one...that's so not true either.... like honestly, who does that?/.... like every minute that he's away from me he is missing me, which is true, because I know that if I am missing him, he is missing me... he loves me.... Luckily I haven't been so needy to him, at least that is what I think.... I try my best not to be so clingy with him... he already knows how crazy I am about him... no need to bug him about it, if someone was constantly doing that to me, I know it would drive my nuts.... This whole not having a job thing also doesn't help.... LOL I don't start until February 4 so I have lots of spare time, which I should really enjoy, because I know I will miss it.

Gah.... I just want to be in his arms tonight, maybe this new birth control they switched me too has truly made an impact on my hormones... because I have been far more sensitive than normal.... I don't know what to blame it on truly....

Anyways, I might write later, I might not... Ask believe and Receive..... Ask to see my later, because I miss you...

Thursday, January 17, 2013

drops of jupiter-boyce avenue (train cover)

What a day what a day, spent the morning being productive, registering vehicle smog check, hair cut, nails did toes did... you know the drill.. Afternoon with Sean... he went back to work today, he always gets in a sad mood to go back to work...probably doesn't help that I dont have to work until february 4th LOL oh well, too bad so sad. I wish I was able to spend more time with him, but whatever, what can you do. Had a moment tonight, being patient is just terrible, I wish he would make up his freaking mind already. But oh well, gotta learn my patience and it will be much better, don't want to be together while everything is broken. I want to be with him and be happy, it'll come... just keep having more faith and keep praying and believing, I see him starting to come around... it makes me happy.... I love him, and he loves me... until tomorrow

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Chocolate-Kumbia Kings

So happy,

officially got the job offer :) YAY!!!

Spent the last four days with Sean, those were absolutely amazing... things are going a lot better, and he brought some stuff to my attention that I need to work on, not teasing and bringing up the whole internet dating stuff, I know... i tease its how I cope with things, and I guess that is just something that I have to work on to move forward, he was right, he doesnt ever bring stuff up about Justin... so I need to do that if we want to move forward, it was a good talk.

Zumba tonight, the idk what else.. so happy though :) I will keep this open and write later :)

Zumba was so much fun, just got showered and all tucked in for bed...sitting here thinking about if I should go to Texas or not.... I think I should, I owe Crystal a good visit... I miss her very much, we will see if I am able to find a good deal online, if not I will need to be busy busy.... we will see, things are going well.... Sean is texting me more often again, :) Things are getting back to normal, and that makes me happy. Time to go to sleep.. Goodnight

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

aint nobodys business-rihanna

SO i've been staying at Sean's, its been going really well.... Just been waiting to hear back about the official offer for the new job, makes me nervous especially since I lost my last job. I know it will work out though.... I will get confirmation on the new job today. Things with Sean have been going really well considering that we're not even 'together' and I am staying here.... I wish we were together. I am ready for us to be back to boyfriend and girlfriend again, but who knows what he is thinking, I don't want to be asking him over and over, also don't want to beg because, that's just not right, never beg for love affection or attention, it should all come self willingly... so again, I will wait. Sometimes I just wonder what is going through his, when does he think all this timing stuff is going to work out? Its so hard. I just want to be with him and work everything out, most of all I just want to be his again. I think it that that will happen soon... maybe me staying here for the last couple of days and then going back to not having me around will make him realize that much more how much he does miss me and love me and needs me..... I hope he does, because sometimes all this stuff is just crazy, I can't believe that after all we have been through, we're going through much love for each other and now we're apart, working things out... it still just amazes me.... just to think about that you know? After a year plus of dating, now were working things out.... I can't believe that its been a month and a half already of us being apart.... kinda crazy to think about it when you ask me. I never wanted this to happen, but for some reason it did. I guess one day we will learn, I am assuming it's because we needed to become stronger as a couple. I guess we will see...Well, I am off to go downstairs, get some coffee with my love and go see a movie. One day when you read this Sean, please know that at this very moment in time, I want nothing more but to be yours... I love you.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Back to you-John Mayer

Periods suck. I hate all this sensitive bullshit stuff... Is it so hard just to be a normal person and not cry for no reason? Ugh... so I am staying with Sean because my aunt and uncle are in town, that's a different story on it's own but its just better for me to stay here for the time being. Let's face it...being here is hard, its really hard. Being in this house that Sean and I pretty much put together.... and now it's like I have nothing to do with it, and that sucks. It sucks a lot. I miss being here... so very much. I hate that I no longer live here and that this is no longer my house. Its hard, it sucks....I just know that my gut feeling is that I have to go through this to appreciate it in the future... I just hope that he realizes how much he needs me soon. I hope he feels the same way about me that I do about him, because there really is no other place I want to be, no other mans arms that I want to be with. I've never experienced a love like this.... its scary, especially since were in this stage of maybes.... I just want it to be yes, I want to be his girlfriend again, I am so tired of not being his.... I mean, I know I am... deep down, I know I am his. It's just hard. That's the only word I can say describes it, I wish he would just take me in his arms and say this is all bullshit, be with me... nothing else matters, ask believe and you shall receive? it will happen, eventually

So I got fired Friday... hahahahahah kind of a funny coincidence huh? Makes me only slightly nervous... just because I don't have the official offer yet, but I know they will definitely get to me with it tomorrow and I will be writing a blog on that... gotta remember to ask believe and then I will receive!

I think once we're engaged, I am going to make Sean a CD of all these blogs, then let him read the entries while he listens to the songs..... I miss him.... I am just happy I can spend the day with him today :) He is amazing after all....

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

She's everything-brad paisley

Today was good... no word on the job... but I am hoping I hear something tomorrow, that I got the job, yes PLEASE!!!!!

I think today I realized how strong I am, and allowed myself to let go a little more... I don't know how, maybe just time... don't get my wrong, I still miss him more than anything, but something inside me finally is at peace, knowing that it is truly working out... He loves me... I know he does.  So why worry? I know it's hard but I think I have finally accepted a little more where we are.... he's having guys night with his dad and brother tonight since they are going to Big Bear tomorrow for skiing.... they're going to have fun... Then Sean goes back to work on Thursday, guess we will see...
I am happy, I do wish I could see him more, but you know, nothing is perfect....God knows I am not... but you know what... we are perfect for each other...

Can't wait to hear from him later tonight ;)

Monday, January 7, 2013

Rest of my life-Usher, Ludacris & David Guetta

I always forget how hard Graves are.... they're especially hard when you're pmsing and needy, blah, sometimes I wish I could just slap myself. Ugh, I was able to hang out with Sean which is nice... it's always nice, please it's like a dream come true :), we hung out, then around about 630ish he started to crash, when he's on his first day off he always stays up so he's able to enjoy his day off. I know that tomorrow his dad and bro are going to staying at his place because they are going skiing wednesday, so I know that he will be busy then.... so who knows when I'll see him again, MAYBE thursday before work? hell, maybe he will surprise me and want to see me tomorrow? who knows... it was so sweet, he didn't want me to leave tonight when we were cuddling, but he was passed out, any time I made any sudden movement he just squeezed me and held on to me tighter, I didn't want to go... I really didn't, I never want to leave him... but at the same time that's not my house, I have nothing of mine there... I hope that's just God's way of telling me that we are getting closer and closer to what we both want.... a ring. Ask, Believe and you shall receive right? I am assuming that's what it is... they do say that distance makes the heart grow fonder.

I had my third and final interview for Ashford, I am so excited and so nervous at the same time. I think I got it, I really do.... I just hate the waiting game... it's so annoying! I guess this just tests my patience even better.

Anyways, I am going to watch TV and relax and dream about my sexy handsome Sean... I miss him....

Sunday, January 6, 2013

A thousand years-christina perri

Ok, Okay, I know it's been a couple days, yesterday might have been the best day that Sean and I ever had in awhile... I spent the night with him Friday night, we went out to dinner to eat Sushi, and then finally had our first breakfast together on Saturday... it was amazing.. it's always a joke because every time in the past when I offered to make him breakfast the night before, we would get in a blow out fight, so this was truly the first time that we were able to eat breakfast, it was really good too... then we just snuggled, watched TV all day, snuggled napped and then Sean went off to work... He started Graveyard shift AND his days off switched to Monday Tuesday and Wednesday instead of saturday-monday. Last time he was on graves we did fine, saw each other when we could and made it work.... Last night Sean and I both cried just because we were scared....scared of the future, scared of not continuing the awesome progress that we have made. I guess in reality, it will work... I know it will, we have come so far... and we love each other so much.

It's going to be hard, different schedule, and still working on each other.... I love him so much....we will be just find, I just know it. I hope I get to see him today before he goes for work.... there is no other place I would rather be than right there in his arms.

Tomorrow is my interview for the job of my dreams, my next job, let's hope it goes well and I get it! I sure hope so....

I will write later tonight....

So I got to see him, even if he was sleeping the majority of the time , it was still amazing, just being next to him and feeling him was great. He was a little grumpy, but I probably would've been the same way if it was tables turned. I miss him so much, damn PMS has got me all down in the dumps... I don't know why? we are working it out and making sure to do what we need to do... I need to continue to be strong, and be confident in our relationship. We love each other. it's working out. I love him, and he loves me....

Ask believe and you will receive.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

El Bilirrubina- Juan Luis Guerra

Great day, small entry....
Tomorrow is Friday, YAY. Got a call back from the awesome job interview I went to, and Sean took me to dinner..... I love him, so much, and am so happy things are starting to fall into place....

Until tomorrow :)

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Can't take my Eyes off of you-Lady Antebellum

I think this is the longest I have ever kept a blog up. Mostly because my problems are usually solved.... this is the first time where I have to be patient. I hate being patient, but in order to have him, and have a healthy relationship, there isn't much else that I can do. Things have been going well between Sean and I, so why do I even think that just because I don't see him for one day, that it's bad. He even FaceTime'd with me and told me it was good to see me.... I should be happy.... why am I so insecure about how he feels about me, is it because of what happened? that has to be it... I used to know how much he loved me and how he wanted nothing else but me... I guess he has some proving to do also, huh? I mean, don't get me wrong, I know he loves me, but after going through what we went through, I am not quite sure how to feel... he says he loves me, and he says he wants to be with me and only me, yet we're not together again.... and he knows that to get me back, it's gotta be an engagement, and I understand it's a huge commitment, and I think the difference between him and I is that I am ready and he is scared... I know he's ready, but he's scared....When will he not be scared? who knows...I just hope that its soon, like I said, I can't wait forever...

You know, to end this on a good-non paranoia note, I remember the night of our first kiss... I was waiting so patiently... it had been our second date or third date I believe... and it was so perfect, I'll never forget it...I dropped him off at his car and before getting out of the car, he asked to kiss me.... and I just remember getting this feeling of my heart melting....melting for him, I hadn't felt that in so long because I had been so emotionally cut off from men from my previous relationship that I hadn't been able to open up, until I met Sean... that's how I know that he is the one.... I remember telling friends about him, I would say 'this is it' and 'he's the one' I knew it. I still do.... He's the one... I believe it.. I asked for him, every night when I prayed to God for a good man to come into my life, and there he was.... I love him, we will be back together, stronger and happier than ever, I just know. I need to remember to ask believe and then you'll receive. He will put my love on top... I know he will :) Until tomorrow.. hopefully with news of me seeing sean!

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Happy Happy New Year 2013. I am beyond happy to have spent with NYE 2013 with Sean... it was absolutely amazing, it was also nice to have brought in the year for the second time in a row. This year will bring us happiness and love, I just know. We went to dinner, shared some wine, drank some drank.... it was a perfect night for us.... I genuinely feel like we're getting back to the way it was. We look at each other with so much love in each others eyes now... its getting easy, I think we are both letting go which is the whole part of this thing. The other part of this thing is him actually being ready for the type of commitment I want... and that's something that I unfortunately have to wait for.... even though I claim that I am not waiting... I am. I see him coming around, talking about marriage more positively, being more romantic with me (I think that's just part of rediscovering our love for each other).

I ended up staying the night... yup, stay the night. Yup, I gave the cookie, but it was perfect and worth it. candle-lit room, sexy NYE lingerie.... romance, passion, if I had one word to describe it, it would be... Wow, just Wow.

Falling asleep in our bed was easy, especially since I was exhausted from the act just happened....hahaha, It was just like yesterday I was there, he would wake me up at 4am, kiss me goodbye for work, held me in his arms, it was almost perfect. Then I couldn't go back to sleep.... all I could think about was being in his arms, and having to go home to my parents house, and not being able to be there when he got off work with open arms.

Hmm... I guess there are worse things, at least we are working on things.... I texted him saying that I would bring him over some Posole tonight after work if he was up to it, so I guess we will just wait and see when he texts.... mmmm just being in his arms will make me happy...

I am thinking to write him a letter, just letting him know how I feel, be a little romantic, you know.... after all, I do need to help him re-fall in love with me also..... We will see and I am sure I will post later.

This is what I came up with...... My dearest Sean,

I wanted to take the opportunity to write you a letter to let you know how much you mean to me. I am so happy to have spent another New Year’s with you, this year much better than the last, but nevertheless, it was amazing just being with you.

I know that we have been going through some tough times, we’ve both made our mistakes and I know we are both deeply sorry, and I am happy to hear that we are finally moving forward. With that being said, I want you to know that I love you, I trust you, I admire you, and I want you. Through thick and thin, you will always have my heart, so please be careful with it, as I will be careful with yours.

When I tell you I love you, Sean, It means that I accept you for the person that you are and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I do not expect perfection from you- just as you do not expect it from me. It means that I will love you and stand by you, even through the worst of times. It means loving you when you’re in a bad mood, or too tired to do the things that I want to do. It means loving you when you’re down-not just when you’re fun to be with. I love you also means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them. It also means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and knowing that you feel the same way for me.

You are every reason, every hope and every dream that I’ve ever had Sean, no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life, I am so lucky to have you.

I love you.

My plan is to pop open the bottle of champagne tonight and read it aloud to him tonight :) Let's hope he's in the mood to see me!!

Update, Update, yes I will be seeing him tonight :) I am excited, it's so fun to be dating him again..... We will see how tonight goes... 

Tonight was perfect, great talk, great company, great champagne, and he loved the letter that I wrote to him. It has been so perfectly amazing.... I am beyond happy... can't wait to see him again, gotta wait until he asks me, sadly lol but it'll be soon, back to work tomorrow, how sad, but I am going to give it all I can, maybe I will hear back from the other job I went to interview with... 

Goodnight blogging world, And don't forget, ask, believe and you shall receive.