Hmm... So, had lunch and shopped with Amanda today, it's Monday... my last Monday off for awhile... Sean is up at his parents because he is homesick.... I must admit, I was kind of upset last night when we were talking and he said he wanted to go home.... It's just... all these days that I do 'see' him... he's half awake, we don't have real conversations and finally when he has a weekend, esp since I am going to be working on his weekends after this week, I was hoping he would want to spend the entire weekend with me.. its hard... it's hard to be in our situation and continue to try as hard as I do... I mean I get it, I see my parents every day....and I cant be a bitch and get upset if he wants to see his... I get it... I just guess his priorities are different, he did mention last night that we would spend tomorrow together and whatnot.... but then he texted me today mentioning that he was going to take care of his car stuff tomorrow, so I don't know what to expect? I guess just go with the flow... I just gave in... whatever... whatever is meant to be will be.... I'm not giving up.. but at the same time, I cant continue to get my hopes up.... the difference between Sean and I, is that I know that I want to be with him, and he doesn't know he wants to be with me, no matter how much I deny that, that is the truth, he doesn't want to put a timeframe on anything, he doesn't want to feel like he HAS to see my parents.... all this stuff, I just wish one thing would be done for me.....I don't know,maybe he does know and just hasn't decided yet... its just so hard...Here I am so available for him, and he's the one making the calls.. I wish we were just together already, because what we are doing is hard. As much as he says he's putting in all this effort... and I do see effort in some areas, but others I feel like it's just all me.... like I said earlier, I am not giving up, I guess I just need to stop being so needy to him, slow my role down a bit and let him miss me.... I guess if its meant to be it will be.... I just want someone who wants to be with me, not someone who doesn't know what they want... let's face is.. I am 25, going to be 26... I dont have forever to be waiting on a guy.... I know I told myself a certain timeframe that I would like.... I just miss being so happy with him, and having sweet things done for me.... I guess we will see... not losing hope or faith, just coming to realization with things I guess....I am proud of myself for keeping my distance so far today when it comes to texting and communication, and like I said earlier, I am not giving up... just letting go a little more, I do what to be with him.... I just want him to be with me too, and though I know he does.... as they say, actions speak louder than words, I may write later
Ask, Believe and you shall receive.
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