Thursday, May 30, 2013

Train-Get to me

I will never stop thinking that being a Cop's girlfriend is difficult, because it is. It's constant changes, rarely seeing your boyfriend, having normal schedules, back to being passing ships in the night, or as it is now for me, having a weekend boyfriend.

Ever since Sean and I had our difficulties, its been really hard for me to have that confidence in myself that I used to have in our relationship. It's not that I don't want it, it's just that its hard for me. I recognize it, and want it to change, and am trying, but its just so hard. I have never loved anyone so much as I do Sean, I just feel so fragile in our relationship, and miss being that strong girl. I don't know why sometimes I don't give myself enough credit.... I am constantly apologizing for every little mistake that I make around him, even if it's silly...

Gosh this blog is so all over the place, I just wish that sometimes I was stronger... I just wish him and I were in a place where I knew where everything was going... I know we discussed our relationship and what I wanted our of it in the beginning of the year, but sometimes I just don't know if thats where we are still headed... I feel like it is, but sometimes, like I said, I get so insecure about it... guess I just have to learn to be more patient and keep thinking positive...

Thank God tomorrow is Friday..... I need a weekend with my boyfriend.

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