I think this is the longest I have ever kept a blog up. Mostly because my problems are usually solved.... this is the first time where I have to be patient. I hate being patient, but in order to have him, and have a healthy relationship, there isn't much else that I can do. Things have been going well between Sean and I, so why do I even think that just because I don't see him for one day, that it's bad. He even FaceTime'd with me and told me it was good to see me.... I should be happy.... why am I so insecure about how he feels about me, is it because of what happened? that has to be it... I used to know how much he loved me and how he wanted nothing else but me... I guess he has some proving to do also, huh? I mean, don't get me wrong, I know he loves me, but after going through what we went through, I am not quite sure how to feel... he says he loves me, and he says he wants to be with me and only me, yet we're not together again.... and he knows that to get me back, it's gotta be an engagement, and I understand it's a huge commitment, and I think the difference between him and I is that I am ready and he is scared... I know he's ready, but he's scared....When will he not be scared? who knows...I just hope that its soon, like I said, I can't wait forever...
You know, to end this on a good-non paranoia note, I remember the night of our first kiss... I was waiting so patiently... it had been our second date or third date I believe... and it was so perfect, I'll never forget it...I dropped him off at his car and before getting out of the car, he asked to kiss me.... and I just remember getting this feeling of my heart melting....melting for him, I hadn't felt that in so long because I had been so emotionally cut off from men from my previous relationship that I hadn't been able to open up, until I met Sean... that's how I know that he is the one.... I remember telling friends about him, I would say 'this is it' and 'he's the one' I knew it. I still do.... He's the one... I believe it.. I asked for him, every night when I prayed to God for a good man to come into my life, and there he was.... I love him, we will be back together, stronger and happier than ever, I just know. I need to remember to ask believe and then you'll receive. He will put my love on top... I know he will :) Until tomorrow.. hopefully with news of me seeing sean!
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